


Everything can stay the same (or we could change it all)

by ElixirBB



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mention of Death, Rey & Rose friendship, TROS fix it fic, because I’m still salty about how they treated Rose, because honestly fuck TROS, because mostly this is a fix it fic, but it’s only there for like one chapter, force ghost, like I mentioned before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElixirBB/pseuds/ElixirBB
Summary: Her entire life she has known struggle. Her entire life she has known chaos and she has known despair, interspersed with fleeting happiness but she has never known peace and all she wants now is peace.And Ben.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 39
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my TROS Fix it fic. It’s just my humbling offering after I have READ SO MANY AMAZING FICS. It’s been in my head for a while and thought, why not? If i can give to this fandom, a mere iota Of what it has given to me, i would gladly do so. I hope you all enjoy! Thank you so much in advance for giving this a chance! Of course there’s going to be angst because well, these little babies are just suckers for it, aren’t they?
> 
> Title is taken from the song Meet me on the battlefield by SVCRINA.
> 
> ENJOY!

When she wakes up, it’s with a gasp. Her body aches in a way she hasn’t felt since Jakku and pain ripples through her, trying to anchor her down in the darkness she escaped from. Her eyes open and she stares at her surroundings, bright sunshine beaming down on her. The moment she becomes aware, she can feel everything else, the grass underneath her body, the sounds of the animals and there is a curious blue butterfly flitting over her head, flapping its wings and perching itself on the tip of Rey’s nose, kissing her. 

As if reminding her that she breathes. That she  _ lives _ . 

But no, she thinks, eyes blinking wildly, tears burning her eyes and then stinging the cuts on her face as they trail down. She does not breathe. She does not  _ live _ . She gave her life to save everyone. Everything. 

_ Ben _ , she thinks. She gave her life in the way Ben did before he was sent to his death over the cliff. And there is a rage in her, so fierce that she knows she would destroy worlds to get him back. 

And maybe that’s why Palpatine knew she could be turned. The rage in her is why  _ Kylo Ren _ thought she could be turned. 

But not Ben. Never  _ Ben _ . 

She sucks in another deep breath, this one caught in her throat and she panics, she wasn’t...she didn’t even get a chance.  _ They _ didn’t even get a chance and after everything she and he ( _ they _ ) have been through, they  _ deserved a chance _ . 

She rolls over onto her side, struggling to catch the breath that is failing her and the butterfly is never far away, flying in front of her, curiously studying the human girl with too many emotions for planets to hold. 

She’s on her knees when she hears it. Voices. There is another churn of panic, settling in the pit of her stomach. She does not want to run anymore. She is  _ dead _ . There shouldn’t be anymore running. But something about the voices calls to Rey and she gets up on shaky legs and follows the sounds, eyes taking in everything around her. She’s been here before. She knows this place...but she doesn’t. Because it looks different. Everything feels different...but she knows this place without a doubt in her mind.  _ Takodana _ . 

She comes to the clearing, where the forest meets the edge of the water and she almost staggers in her place, gasp lodging deep in her throat. 

She would recognized this man anywhere. She’s always been aware of his height. Of the differences between the two of them. Of his strong nose, of the beauty marks creating a map traceable only to her eyes on his body. It’s his stance that stuns her. She’s used to seeing him tense. She’s used to seeing him ready for a fight at any given moment. She’s used to seeing him ready for a barrage of abuse, physical, mental, emotional - of which, she is ashamed to admit, she participated in all three. 

_ But that was before _ , she wants to call out to him.  _ That was before, Ben, please _ . 

Instead, here, in the forest of her afterlife, she sees him relaxed. His shoulders loose, fingers twitching against his sides, eyes cast over to the right and a soft smile, the one that weakens her knees, on his face. 

She hobbles over to him, tears streaming down her face because he’s  _ dead _ . She  _ knows _ he’s dead but he’s  _ here _ .  _ Here _ . With  _ her _ . “Ben.” She croaks out. “Ben.” He doesn’t turn around and makes no indication that he even heard her. “Ben.” She calls out again, dread threading through her veins. She refuses to acknowledge what she doesn’t know yet. She doesn’t...if he would only look at her. “ _ Ben _ !”

“He can’t hear you.” A familiar voice says to her left. And she doesn’t even have to turn. She doesn’t have to  _ guess _ . The tears that were already falling down her cheeks, marking trails of grime down her face, come in sobs now. She  _ cannot _ . She will not. This is not how this was supposed to go. This is not how this was supposed to happen. She thought…she dared to  _ hope _ . “Rey, darling. He can’t hear you.”

Rey finally turns around and sees her once idol, the woman she revered full heartedly, the mother she never had and the mother Ben cast away. She is younger here, dressed in white but she would know General Leia Organa anywhere. “Than make him hear me.” She says. “Please.  _ Please _ . I did...I did everything. I just want...I just  _ want _ .”

“I know.” Leia soothes. 

“Why am I here?” Rey asks, running the sleeves of her dirty robes over her face, chest heaving. “Why show me this?”  _ Why show me someone I can never have? _

“Because,” another voice says on her right and she knew he would come sooner rather than later. She turns her head, already knowing who she would find. Luke Skywalker is staring out onto the water, eyes on his nephew. On the nephew he failed, on the nephew who was lost to him forever, on the nephew who wanted him dead. And  _ oh _ , this family, the Skywalker-Organa-Solo family is one with demons and ghosts and drama that have literally torn apart worlds but it’s a family she always  _ wanted _ . It’s the family she would have chosen, if given the  _ chance _ . “You can still have this. Rey, there is not much time, but you need to know that not all hope is lost. Hope is never lost. It lives in you.”

Rey laughs and it sounds bitter but it’s not, it’s resigned. It’s tired.  _ She _ is tired. And sometimes, sometimes, she wishes she would have stayed that girl, that scanvengar on Jakku, trading parts for food and counting down the days for her parents, who she now knows are dead,  _ murdered _ , to find her. A pain strikes her in her heart. Her parents  _ did _ love her. Her parents were not  _ nobody _ . Her parents wanted better for her. Her parents  _ loved _ her and she had a family. She had a family and they were ripped away from her all because of the Force and all because of Palpatine. 

And there’s that darkness again. The darkness etching into her soul, damning her. 

“You do not have time for darkness, Rey.” Leia says. The General never talks in an urgent tone. She is always soft spoken, always authoritative but she can hear the urgency in her voice now. “You need the Light for what happens next. If you want this with all of your heart, Rey. It can happen but you need to act fast. You need to act with love.”

_ I want Ben _ , she thinks wildly. _ I want Ben. I want to live. I want the chance for peace _ . 

Her entire life she has known struggle. Her entire life she has known chaos and she has known despair, interspersed with fleeting happiness but she has never known peace and all she wants now is  _ peace _ . 

And  _ Ben _ . 

_ I wanted to take your hand. Ben’s hand.  _

“Ben.” She tries to call out once more, aware that he won’t answer. 

But something does happen. He stands taller, a more pronounced smile on his face, the kind that lights up his eyes and the kind that fills Rey with hope. He’s staring in their direction and she honestly believes in that moment that he sees her and that’s he’s  _ happy _ to see her. His arms are outstretched and Rey steps forward, aching to be in his arms, to whisper that they  _ did it, _ they  _ won _ , but she doesn’t because before she knows, two little bodies rush through and collide into him. Their voices are high and they are no more than five with striking black hair and hazel eyes.  _ Twins _ , her brain supplies to her. 

She doesn’t catch their names. Doesn’t catch anything other than the word  _ ‘daddy’ _ and Rey’s heart  _ drops _ . She wants to turn her face away but she  _ can’t _ . Instead, she is transfixed by the love in Ben’s eyes. By the happiness and if anyone deserves to be happy it’s Ben Solo. But he’s dead, isn’t he? 

“He’s dead.” Rey says. “Ben is  _ dead _ .” There is something clawing in her throat and she aches to scratch it until she bleeds and she knows, in that moment, that she would welcome the pain. “ _ Isn’t he _ ?” She doesn’t wait for Master Luke or Leia to answer, instead, she keeps talking, her words a jumbled mess, the same as her emotions. The same as her mind. “Or wait. He’s not. He’s alive and you want me to save him. You want me to save him so he can live and be happy and have a family. And I’ll do it, you know I’ll do it but you didn’t...you didn’t  _ have _ to show me  _ this _ . I could have...I could have done without the reminder that I will never…”  _ Have the family I always wanted _ . She doesn’t say the last part, it goes without saying but her voice still breaks and she’s still unable to tear her eyes away from the Ben Solo she never truly got the chance to know outside war, chaos and destruction. 

And if she’s honest with herself, she knows Kylo Ren better than she knows Ben. But...even that’s not the complete truth because the bond...everything she shared, that was  _ Ben _ . Ben. Not  _ Kylo _ .  _ Ben _ . 

“Jeez, kid. You really have to stop jumping to conclusions.” There is a third voice and Rey bends at the knees from the familiarity. Han Solo is there, which is a surprise because he has absolutely nothing to do with the Force, staring at her with kind eyes and a smirk that, even in death, seems to be permanently attached to his lips. “Hey Princess. Luke.”

“My oldest friend.” Master Luke replies and there’s a little bit of sarcasm there that makes Han huff with laughter. “So nice of you to join us.”

She can see Han shrug from his her position, where she’s still bent over. She can’t...there are too many ghosts around her. She has been surrounded by ghosts her entire life and all she wants is to lead a life where they do not exist. “Yeah, well, I had to tie up some loose ends.”

“Rey.” Leia says quietly. “Rey, please  _ look _ .”

_ Why _ ? She wants to ask. So she can see everything she ever wanted belong to another person? No.  _ No _ . Rey has been selfless enough. She has  _ sacrificed _ enough. She does not...she  _ cannot _ look. 

Except she does and the woman who steps out of the shadow of the trees sends Rey to her knees in the dirt. There isn’t much different except, the woman in front of her is slightly older, slightly rounder but still muscular. She still has freckles and she still has hazel eyes and Rey’s head snaps to the children. 

Hazel eyes. Freckles. 

Rey can’t breathe, nor does she blink in fear that they disappear. 

It’s  _ her _ . 

Everything is sucked out of her with the revelation. It’s  _ her _ . And Ben and two unnamed children that are  _ theirs _ . And she  _ wants this _ .  _ Force _ , she wants this so  _ much _ . 

She looks at Master Luke, Leia and Han, all younger than when she last saw them alive (the ghosts of the family she always dreamed about) and then she looks at Ben, still as he was when she fought next to him, when she saw him in through her bond. A little bit worn, a little bit older and with two children who cling to him and Rey whom he clings to (the ghosts of the family she always wanted.)

“How?” She croaks. 

“Rey.” It’s Han now, his voice gentle and she wants to weep because she’s missed him. She’s missed him so much. “It’s gotta be soon, kid.”

“You have to trust the Force.” Master Luke reminds her. 

“You have to hope. Everything light in you, all the love, Rey, you need to use that.” There is a pause and Leia chokes back a sigh. “There will not be much time so it needs to be quick.”

Everything is so confusing and cryptic and for once, for  _ once _ , she wishes the Force wasn’t so delicate. She wishes the Force wasn’t so secretive because she  _ wants this _ . She’s  _ dreamed _ of this and it’s  _ here _ , in front of her and all she wants is to will it into existence. 

She lets out a gasp, hands clutching her stomach. There is a pull in her, a familiar pull from a familiar bond and she lets out a choked out sob, frantically looking at the man, the woman, the children in front of her who cannot see her but will always be a part of her. She reaches out one of her hands, screaming when she feels herself fading away. She looks at the three adults who shaped her life in ways she didn’t even know were possible. “ _ Please _ .” She’s crying out, hand outstretched willing for anyone,  _ anyone _ to take her hand and comfort her. “ _ Please _ .”

Leia is crying and it’s too much,  _ everything is too much _ . “Take care of him Rey. Let him know that we’re sorry and that we love him. So very much.”

Ben is looking at her, dark eyes piercing her and she can see his mouth moving. She can see his lips forming words that she can’t hear from the rush of the Force swirling around and it’s not until she concentrates on the letters, the words that she realizes what they are. And she lets out a cry, surrendering to the pull, knowing that her struggle will drain any energy from his already weakened state. And in her transference, she hears it. The words.

_ Be with me. _

* * *

When she wakes up, it’s with a gasp, hand flying out and clutching the one on her stomach and she almost cries with relief to feel his solid body above her. She opens her eyes and looks at him. Eyes wild and then she laughs, hands clutching his face because he’s  _ here _ . He’s  _ here _ . He’s  _ alive _ . And he just saved her. She can’t help it. She can’t. She’s waited too long for this. So she kisses him and imagines kissing him in a hundred different ways. She wants to cry out in happiness. 

Oh.  _ Oh _ . This is what it feels like. To behold your entire future in your hands. It feels  _ glorious _ . She can’t wait to tell him of the future they will have. Of the promises they will make to each other. Of the family they will create. 

She parts from him, still smiling, laughing at the sheer joy of not being dead and being with him when she sees him do the same. The smile. The one that she saw in the forest, the one wide enough to stretch across his face. The one that weakens her knees. 

And then, his smile fades. The light, once in his eyes, closing and his skin turning an ashen grey. 

No. No. 

“ _ NO _ .” The word is ripped from her throat. “Ben.” This was not...this was not how it was supposed to go. He  _ lived _ . He’s supposed to be  _ alive _ . “Ben.” Her voice is coming out in hysterics as she lays him down across her lap and holds onto him. Her hands on his stomach, willing the Force to heal him. “Ben!” She clutches him tighter. “You  _ promised _ !” She screeches. “You promised.  _ HELP ME _ .” She is sobbing, her chest feeling like it’s collapsing into itself and she can feel the ground rumble beneath her and she looks up at the sky, looks up at the Resistance winning and she should feel happy but all she can think about is everything she stands to lose. She sucks in a deep breath. “Be with me.” She says. “ _ Be with me _ .”

_ You have to hope. Everything light in you, all the love, Rey, you need to use that. There will not be much time so it needs to be quick. _

And so she  _ hopes _ . She hopes the family she always wanted will come to fruition. She hopes for happiness for Finn and Poe and Rose and Maz and everyone else she has met. She hopes for life and love. She hopes for Ben Solo to  _ come back _ . She pours all the love she has into the Force. She pours everything she has into it. 

“Be with me.” She cries out. “Be with me. Be with me.  _ Be with me _ .”

She did it once before, she will do it again. She has to. She can see him fading and she lets out a feral scream, echoing throughout the cage. “ _ Please. Be with me _ .”

And it’s like a shot of light, blinding her and all the voices come to her at once, and as the Sith Lords once stood around her, shrouded in darkness, the Jedi from before her time, stand before her, enveloping everything in their light. 

_ We are with you _ . They say.  _ We are with you. _

And in the crowd, she can see Master Luke and Leia. Leia is crying silently, clutching her brothers hand, mouths open, chanting,  _ we are with you. We are with you _ . 

She looks down at Ben, slowly coming back to her and she clutches his hand, squeezing tightly as the earth trembles around them and she is sobbing freely, holding him tightly to her and feeling the Force heal him. She is tired, she is  _ oh, so very tired _ but she cannot stop. She will not stop. “Be with me, Ben.” She begs. “Be with me.”

The light around them, around Ben, glows brighter than she has ever seen and she shields her eyes away from the onslaught and then they are encased in darkness again. The Jedi from before her time, Master Luke and Leia, gone. And all that’s left is mist and a destroyed planet.

And a man, who opens his eyes and comes to, with a gasp.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it’s me again. It’s been a while, I know. Thank you so much for the comments and kudos and everything on this story and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I’ve been...dealing with some things and I’m trying to find my headspace again. But I haven’t forgotten about this and I want to thank all of you for sticking with me, not just with this story, but with everything.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

Everything around her is being destroyed. She can hear the bombs, she can feel the heat of the losses and victories, she can see the people, some of them running to safety, running back home before anything  _ else _ can go to absolute shit. She can see the dead, some she knows, some she has talked to, some she even considered friends. 

_ There is so much death in war _ , she thinks.  _ There is so much death in wanting to live _ . 

But everything around her disappears when she feels Ben shift in her arms and then all she knows, all she sees is  _ him.  _

She sees him for all the good, bad and evil he’s done. She sees him when she was interrogated. She sees him in all of her visions. She sees him in the rain, pierced by her and then put back together by her because she  _ loves _ him.  _ Him. Ben.  _ And she thinks that must have been what did it. His knowledge that someone could and did love him. She would like to think that it was her, all her, that made him come back. 

She likes to think that out of everyone he has lost, he knows that he would not lose her. 

But he almost did. She knows this. The memories of Master Luke, Leia and Han in her peripheral vision. 

She almost lost him too and that... _ that _ is something she doesn’t think she could ever come back from. 

She could come back from thinking that her parents were nobodies. But not losing him.

([ _ Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? Have you just hidden it away? You know the truth. Say it. Say it. You come from nothing. You are nothing. _

_ But not to me.] _

She thinks about that sometimes...most of the times. And she wonders if there was any truth to what he said. If her parents really are buried in a pauper’s grave back on Jakku and if they were with her all that time and she just didn’t know because she was so young and they would always be very much dead. 

But her parents were not  _ nobodies _ . They were  _ somebodies _ . They wanted a better life. They wanted  _ her _ to have a  _ better _ life.

And  _ oh _ , what she wouldn’t give to just  _ see _ them. To let them know that she did not have a better life, that she did not have an easy life but that she  _ understands _ . She gets it. She doesn’t hold any resentment towards them anymore because if they could have, they would have come back for her. 

This is what she chooses to believe now, after knowing the truth. 

But it still doesn’t confirm anything and she’s still left thinking she is a nobody. 

But not to him. Not to Ben.) 

“Ben.” She croaks, her voice rough. “We have...we have to go.” And they do. They don’t have much time but she’s struggling to get up. Her leg feels mangled, her body feels broken but she stands tall and hefts Ben up, vision almost blacking out at the pressure his body puts on her as she drapes one of his arms over her shoulders. His head is lolling back and forth and Rey knows the feeling. 

Coming back from certain death. 

“Ben.” She says again, through gritted teeth. “I’m going to need you...I need you to work with me. I know...I know you’re in pain but I just need you to help me until we find a way out of here.”

“Yeah.” He murmurs, mouth close to her ear and this time, her knees buckle for different reasons. “I’m…”

She shakes her head. “Don’t try to talk, just...we need to leave.”

It takes them longer than she would like and she already knows they’re cutting it close when she spots her ship. It’s small and he’s going to be cramped but she can’t be half-assed to find another one that will fit him. She turns her head and looks at him, anxiousness lighting her eyes. “It’s going to be a tight fit.” She tells him. “Very tight but we can...I need you to just fold yourself in half maybe?”

Because he is tall, oh so very tall, and big. She remembers the way he looks like without a shirt and she can’t even begin to comprehend why now of all places, she can’t help the blush spread across her cheeks. 

He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have... _ you _ shouldn’t have. You need to  _ let me go _ .”

_ (Let the past die, Rey. Let it die.) _

No.  _ No _ . There will be no more death today.

She can’t help it, a laugh, bitter and dark and exhausted, breaks from her lips. “No.” Her voice is unlike anything she’s ever heard before. Close to hysterics, demanding and pleading all in one. “No. After  _ everything _ ...how could you ask that of me?”

He’s holding his side and propped against the ship, weak from the fight, weak from coming back from the dead, just weak. She spares a thought for Kylo Ren, the man who hunted and haunted her for what feels like forever. Never weak, always demanding to the point of cruelty. But Rey knows better now. Knows that underneath the mask, underneath the black robes and anger, is Ben Solo. And that’s who matters. That’s who  _ always _ mattered. 

“It’s because of everything that happened.” He looks around, eyes wild and strong even if his body isn’t at the moment. “Look at what  _ I _ caused!”

“It wasn’t  _ you _ !” Spit comes out of her mouth and lands on his tattered black shirt and as soon as they get back to civilization, she’s going to make sure that he wears other colours because he looks so pale and corpse-like right now. “It was  _ Snoke _ and  _ Palpatine _ . It was everything  _ you _ couldn’t help. It wasn’t  _ you _ !” 

It’s not the complete truth. She knows that he’s part of the problem. Knows that he was the one who slaughtered innocent people without a second glance, knows it was him who killed his  _ father _ \- and her breath catches -  _ Han _ . It’s a pain that she doesn’t think will ever go away.

There is a twisted smile that stretches across his face and it’s sad and worn and it tears at her heart, clenches her insides until she wants to kneel over and be sick. “See, you cannot separate what I’ve done with who I am. In spite of everything.”

Rey shakes her head vigorously and looks at the skies. They’re not going to make it out alive if they keep talking and she knows, she  _ knows _ that he’s weak enough that he won’t be able to fight her back. “It’s despite everything that I’m here. Ben. Ben. It’s despite everything that  _ I love you. _ ”

She’s thought about it before. He must have heard it in her head before. But he must have not believed it. He must have had it twisted at the roots that no one could ever love him and her heart breaks even more for the man in front of her. His eyes widen, his body sags, as if just realizing that he’s weak and she dives at him before his body hits the ground. “Ben.” She blubbers and her eyes filling with tears. “If you want to die here on this forsaken place, I will be here with you. I will die with you. But I will not leave you. So you make a decision. Make it right now. We die here and now and everything we know dies with us or we leave and we find freedom, away from here, where there are trees and an ocean and our children with your hair and my eyes and freckles.” Her heart is pounding in her chest, she’s trying to tell him everything she can in a matter of a few minutes and she doesn’t think she would have enough lifetimes to tell him of their lives. “I’ve  _ seen _ it. Ben, I’ve seen it. A family. Yours and mine.  _ Ours _ . Everything we wanted and never had. Ben.  _ Ben _ . Make a decision.”

He meets her eyes and breathes out one word, one simple word, but it’s enough to change everything. “ _ You _ .”

* * *

She can see the sky exploding behind her and she can feel the heat as she pushes the ship faster until she’s clear of everything. She turns her head to look back and she smiles softly when she sees Ben, curled up and looking incredibly uncomfortable in the almost non-existent space in the back. He’s sleeping, his head resting against the steel of the ship. His mouth is slightly open and hair falling down his face but he looks at peace in this moment. 

She comms Poe and Finn and lets them know that she escaped and doesn’t answer when they ask other questions. 

She knows that no one will be welcoming of Ben. She knows that when he walks out of the ship with her, he will face immediate execution. And she can’t let that happen. 

Not after everything. Not after Han, Master Luke and Leia gave their lives for him. 

She comms Maz before she can even think about it. “Can you get to a private line?”

There is no hesitation, there is no asking why on the other end. “ _ Give me a minute child. I will comm you when everything is set up.” _

She breathes out a sigh of relief. Maz will know what to do. Maz...Maz knows everything. Maz knew her heart before Rey even did. It takes less than a minute before Maz connects with her again. “I’m sorry.” Rey says quickly, tears burning her eyes and she doesn’t think she will ever stop crying about this. About any of this. “I know you and the General were close friends.”

She can almost feel Maz’s smile, sad and understanding. “ _ Is he with you?” _

Rey lets out a choked response. “Yes.” There is a pause. “Maz, he can’t...if they see him…” she trails off, throat choking with the knowledge of what will ultimately happen to him. 

_ “They will execute him on site.” _ Maz finishes.  _ “Child, they would not be at fault if they did. You cannot fault them for their grief and how they would respond.” _

“I’m not trying to.” Rey says. “But they can’t ever know.”

Maz chuckles through the line. _ “The belonging you seek is not behind you.” _ There’s a pause.  _ “Well, I suppose now, he actually is behind you, isn’t he?”  _ There is humour tilting her voice and Rey wants to burst into tears because Maz has already given this Rebellion everything she has and she has lost just as much as everyone else. If not more. 

“Maz.” Rey pleads. She can’t even form full sentences. This entire journey has drained the life out of her. “I can’t lose him. I can’t.”

_ “Change route to Takodana.” _ Maz tells her, her voice firm. _ “I’ll send you coordinates but there is a small house there. It belongs to me. Put him there. Rey...you will need to come here when you’ve settled him in. I can only give them excuses to last for a little bit.” _ There is a pause. _ “After...when everything is settled, you can think long term but this will do for now, I would think.” _

_ Takodana _ . Like in her vision. Her heart feels full. “Thank you.” Rey breathes. “Thank you.”

“ _ Rey _ ,” Maz says before they cut off comms, “ _ for what it is worth...she, they, would be so incredibly proud of you. Of both of you.” _ And then she cuts off.

Rey puts the shuttle in auto-pilot, puts her head in her hands and sobs. 

* * *

Ben wakes up just as she’s landing the shuttle at the coordinates Maz sent through. It’s not as smooth a landing as she would have liked but she can’t help it. She powers down and turns the shuttle off and then turns around in her seat to give him a small smile. He returns it and a heaviness that was in her heart the whole trip here, disappears. 

She opens the door and gets out, stretching out her hand to help him unfurl from his position. She can see him wince in pain and hears his bones creak but he puts his hand in hers after a moment of hesitation. 

The moment their hands touch, everything around them goes silent. Everything around them disappears and it’s just  _ them _ , staring at each other as if they’re uncovering all of their hopes and dreams and dreads and maybe...just maybe they are. 

Rey clears her throat and tugs him towards her gently. He follows willingly and she trudges across the few feet of dirt to the small house in the middle of a forest in the middle of Takodana. She uses the Force to unlock the door and enters the house, pulling Ben with her. 

He shuts the door behind him and then they’re enveloped in a silence so thick, it feels suffocating. “What...what happens now?” His voice is not loud, it’s soft, almost resigned but the suddenness of it makes her jump. 

_ What happens now?  _

The man who killed Han Solo, the man who slaughtered and tortured innocent people, the man who has hunted and haunted so many people - including her, the man who killed Snoke, the man who turned his back on the Dark to save her, the man who brought her back to life and the man who she brought back to life...he  _ lives _ . 

_ That’s _ what happens now. 


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still cannot thank you all enough for your kind words and support!!!!! It means so much!

He’s sprawled on the bed, almost taking up the entire thing with his large body and Rey takes the moment in between his breaths, when he’s struggling to come to terms with everything and his eyelids slide shut only to reopen seconds later with a jolt, to examine him.

He’s still injured, she can see that.

_ At least he’s not dead though.  _

“I should be.” He mumbles, head turning to the side and eyes opening, gazing at her with a softness she’s not used to seeing. 

And  _ oh _ , her heart feels like it’s going to burst. Because he’s  _ here _ and he’s  _ alive _ and she doesn’t know where to go from here, other than she’s going to have to go back to the Resistance for some time but she doesn’t want to leave him, finds that she  _ never _ wants to leave him. 

“No.” She tells him softly, making her way over to him, body sinking into the bed as she sits on the edge.  _ Kriff, this feels good. _ All she wants to do is sink in next to his body heat and sleep for days. “You weren’t meant to die.”

_ I would tear this galaxy apart to find a way to bring you back if you did,  _ she thinks wildly. 

His breath stutters and she knows he heard her. His hand fumbles for hers and he grips onto her as tightly as he can. He offers a small smile that’s more of a grimace and Rey shifts until she’s facing him. She takes a deep breath and sets about healing what wasn’t healed before. 

It takes all the energy out of her, doing this and by the time she’s done, her body moves forward, dangerously. She feels his arms around her waist as he pulls her closer to him, arranging her so she’s lying next to him and Rey feels tears sting her eyes. 

“I dreamed of this.” She murmurs, turning her face into his torn and dirty shirt. “I dream of you. Always.”

“I know.” He says softly into her hair and she can feel it in the air, everything that he  _ isn’t _ saying. That he dreams about her too. That he’s  _ always _ dreamed about her. He doesn’t let go and instead, holds onto her a bit more tightly, as if terrified of letting her go.

She clings back, not willing to say that she’s just as terrified that if she lets go, he’ll disappear.

She closes her eyes and is lulled to sleep by the sound of his beating heart.  


* * *

She doesn’t know what wakes her up, other than something does. She jolts upright in the bed. Sunlight is streaming through the windows but she doesn’t pay it any attention. She turns her head, expecting her eyes to fall on Ben’s sleeping figure. Except he’s not there and when she puts a hand to his side of the bed, it’s cold. Fear grips her body.

_ They found him. They must have figured out he’s not dead. They’re going to kill him.  _

She can feel herself start to panic and start to hyperventilate. She tries to reach out through the Force but she can’t seem to calm herself down enough to concentrate. “Ben?” She calls out. “Ben?” Her voice breaks and she scrambles out of the bed, slipping on the floor and striding towards the door but stops in her place when it all but slams open. 

She lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and she sags against a rickety old table when she sees him. He looks cleaner than last night. His hair is dripping with water and his eyes are wild, looking at her. “I felt you panicking.” He says, chest falling up and down rapidly and Rey tries to catch her breath. 

“You were  _ gone _ !” She yells. “You  _ left _ .”

He blinks at her, hands twitching at his side. “I had to get clean. I went to wash in the lake. There’s...no working ‘fresher here.”

Rey stutters and sucks in a deep breath. Her body is shaking, memories of everything coming back to her.  _ Han, Luke, Leia, Snoke, Palpatine. _ Everything and everyone. “Don’t.” It’s a strangled sob and she feels her knees weaken. “Don’t leave me again.  _ Please _ .” 

She thinks it’s the last word that gets him. She thinks it’s her broken voice. Her tormented mind. Her weary body. Her tired soul. But he crosses over to her with one step and one of his hands lifts to her face, cradling her cheek and Rey is helpless to do anything other than bury her face in his hand. He steps closer, until the space between them disappears. His free arm wrapping around her waist and pulls her to him. On instinct, Rey wraps her arms around his neck and she leans her forehead against his when he leans down to look at her. “Don’t leave me.” She breathes. “Be with me.”

“Always.” He whispers.

* * *

It’s nearing nightfall and the sky is a purple as Rey takes a seat on the step of the cabin. Takodana holds such conflicting memories for her. It’s where everything started. And now, it’s where everything ends. It has to be. 

But there is no denying it’s beauty. The greenery that envelopes her. The smells, so unlike everything she has ever come across and she can’t help but love it. Can’t help but hate it. Can’t help but be conflicted by this place. 

She feels him before she sees him. He sits next to her, his legs legions longer than hers as they stretch out before him. He leans back on his arms and stares at her. 

“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” She asks him. 

“It is.” He replies after three breaths. He’s still looking at her and Rey knows he’s not talking about the nature around them. It thrills her. To know that whatever she’s feeling, he feels it too. That he’s always felt it. 

“I’m going to have to go to the Resistance for a bit.” She tells him. “It won’t be for long. Just a few days. Enough time for me to grab what I need and say goodbye.”

It’s been on her mind since they landed. She wants Ben to have the life he’s always deserved to have and she wants to be part of that life. Has always known that she will be. But he will always be known as  _ Kylo Ren  _ and Kylo Ren is not  _ Ben Solo _ . Kylo Ren has done horrendous and unforgivable things and the galaxy is joyous in his supposed death. But Rey cannot be compliant in that. She cannot pretend to be happy that he’s dead, knowing full well he isn’t. And she refuses to be separated from him. 

And so, she’s preparing to say goodbye to her friends. Goodbye to the only family she has ever known and it’s  _ tearing _ her in two but for once, it’s a choice she will make on her own. Of her own choosing. 

“You’re upset to leave them.” His voice brings her out of her thoughts. 

“Of course I am.” She’s almost offended that he has to confirm it. “They’re everything to me. They’re everything I’ve ever known. They’re the first family I have ever had. That’s ever stuck around and  _ I’m leaving  _ them.” She lets out a humourless laugh. “All this time, I’ve been so terrified of people leaving me and now...look at me, I’m doing the leaving.”

There is a tense silence between them. Ben turns his head away from her and looks at the purple night sky. There is a breeze that carries in the air and wraps between them. “Even when I think I’m doing the right thing, I always hurt someone.” He shakes his head and Rey is transfixed by his hair. “You should stay with them.” He tells her. His jaw locks and Rey’s heart plummets to her stomach. “They are everything you know. You love them and I’m just the one the Force tied you to. I’ll disappear and you won’t...you won’t…” He can’t finish his sentence and Rey doesn’t want him to. 

She frowns and she can feel the rage in her body. She springs up and comes to a stand in front of him, hands balled into fists. “ _ No _ .” She snarls and something unfurls in her chest. “You don’t get to make that decision. It’s not... _ this _ is  _ my _ decision to make. I love them, yes. I will miss them, yes. But I will not let you go. Not…” her voice breaks and she can feel tears in her eyes. “Not after everything. Not when I finally have you here, with me. If you don’t...if you don’t want to be with me…if you don’t want our future, then tell me but do not tell me that you’ll disappear.”

He mimics her movement and comes to a stand as well, towering over her. “You think I don't want this?” He hisses, eyes flashing, “This,” his hands gesture in the small space between their bodies, “it’s  _ everything _ I’ve ever wanted. It’s  _ all _ I have ever wanted, the first time I laid eyes on you.” The hostility leaves his body at once. “I want you to be happy.” He says this quietly, leaving the breeze to pick up the words and carry them to her. 

Her bottom lip trembles and she outstretches a hand. “Then be with me.”

There is no hesitation when he puts his hand in hers. And around them, everything sings.

* * *

Everything seems awkward between them. She opens her mouth to say something, anything, and when she looks up to stare at him, she slams her mouth shut, swallowing what she wanted to say because everything seems so inconsequential when she’s able to feast her eyes on him. 

(Rey is no stranger to hunger. She remembers Jakku too clearly to forget the days and nights she went hungry. But this hunger, to envelope him in her arms, to press her lips against his again, to feel his body holding her, this is a hunger she is unfamiliar with and it burns throughout her body). 

It’s not only on her side, either. This awkwardness. She sees it in his eyes, the things he wants to say and the things he’s unwilling to part with. 

Instead, they are left with the silence between them and the Force that is so charged it almost chokes her. 

They’re inside the cabin, the night sky illuminating the cabin through the small window. He looks majestic in this sort of light, she thinks. Something out of her reach, something that she shouldn’t be allowed to behold. Her heart beats loudly inside her chest and she wonders idly if he can hear it. 

Her hand, the one that was clasped with his, not even an hour ago, flexes and she takes in a deep breath, replaying the feel of his hand in hers. Replaying the way he held her hand tightly. Replaying the way his thumb caressed her wrist. Replaying the way his eyes flashed with unrestrained want and something  _ else _ , something that transcends physicality. 

“I’ll...I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” She says quietly. “But I’ll be back. It’ll take a few days for me to wrap everything up and come back but after that…” she trails off and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “After that I’ll come back and we can...we can figure everything out then.”

He nods slowly, eyes soaking her in and she trembles before him. “You will...you will sleep next to me tonight?” His voice is low but strong and he doesn’t take his eyes off of her and Rey feels both delighted and embarrassed at his attention. 

The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them and even if she could have stopped them, she doesn’t think she would want to. “I would sleep next to you for the rest of the days to come, if you want me to.”

She finds it endearing how he blushes. How the tips of his ears turn bright red and how his cheeks heat up. She can see the flush trail down his neck. But it’s his smile. The one that shows his dimples and the wide smile that stretches across his mouth and face. It transforms his face and she finds herself smiling back at him. “I would like that.” He replies. 

Her breath catches in her lungs. “Me too.”

* * *

The morning comes too soon and leaving Ben is the hardest thing she has had to do since this whole journey began. 

She watches until she can’t see him anymore and Takodana is a small fleck of green behind her. But she still feels him in the Force and she thinks that’s the only thing that matters right now. 


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it’s the final chapter! I’m so thankful for everyone who has reviewed and left kudos on this! It’s been a while since I wrote a multi chap for this fandom and I’m excited to get my feet wet again! I have plans for a modern!AU full of angst so I’m excited to keep offering things to you guys! 
> 
> Again, thank you so so so much for all of your support! It means the world to me that you guys stuck around for this!

When she lands on Ajan Kloss, she can already see the figures of Finn, Poe, Rose and Maz, along with dozens of others waiting for her. She closes her eyes when she lands and takes a deep breath. She can already hear them from her ship. Their celebrations of their victory still encompasses them. She flicks the switch to open the door and before her feet have even hit the ground, she’s wrapped in a big hug by Finn. 

She is surprised for only a moment before she hugs him back, thankful to see him. And she  _ is _ thankful. She loves Finn. He is her best friend and leaving him won’t be easy but it’s a choice she has to make and one she cannot let herself second guess making. 

He’s talking into her ear, voice excited and everyone around them starts talking, shouting about the memories they have of their Last Stand. She feels herself torn from Finn’s hands and wrapped up into Poe’s arms and she can hear him shout something about being the  _ Last Jedi  _ and how  _ this, everything that they accomplished is because of her.  _

She’s met with excited faces and she feels herself becoming overwhelmed when Rose slides up to her side. She bumps her hips with Rey’s. “Hey you.” Rose says lowly and Rey doesn’t know how she can hear over the din of the crowd but she’s thankful that she does. “Took you a bit to get back to us.”

Rey finds herself nodding, keeping her face as straight as she can. “I needed...to collect myself.”

Rose stares at her for a moment longer than Rey would like but then she nods slowly, eyes roving over the crowd and landing on Finn. “He’s been worried about you. We all have been.”

“That’s just Finn, you know?” She takes a deep breath. “He shouldn’t worry but he does.”

“Mhmm.” Rose agrees. “Kind of like how he’s going to worry when you leave us for good?”

Rey snaps her head to look at Rose, surprise colouring her face. Rose smiles sadly. “Maz mentioned some things about the General’s final sacrifice for her son.” At Rey’s panicked look, Rose rushes to explain. “No one else knows and Maz didn’t even come right out and tell me but...well...no offence, but I’m a  _ bit _ smarter and more observant than Finn and Poe.” There is a beat of silence and Rey is  _ sure _ everyone can hear how loud and rapidly her heart is beating. “I would do anything to have my sister back with me.” Rose’s voice is quiet and sad and Rey’s stomach twists uncomfortably. “ _ Anything _ .” She reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing it once and then letting go. “I’m not going to pretend to understand the Force stuff because I  _ can’t _ but loving someone so much that you would do anything and everything to bring them back and then keep them alive? That I think I can understand. I’m not judging you and I will take your secret to the grave with me. I just...don’t forget about us, okay?”

Rey shakes her head. “Never.” She says hoarsely. “ _ Never _ .”

Rose smiles but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I wish we would have had more time together, Rey. I think I would have really liked it if you became the best friend I always wanted.” She gives her a hug and it’s tight and encompassing and all Rey can do is hug back. Rose lets go and smiles at something behind Rey. She gives Rey one last smile and a quick wink before turning around to find Finn and Poe.

Rey swallows the lump in her throat and turns around, only to look down and see Maz. The look of soft knowing and understanding in her eyes. The look of love and pain. The look of watching friends and acquaintances die, catches up to her in this moment of celebration and recollection, and it sends Rey to her knees. And then she feels like she’s actually choking. Tears burning her eyes and breath seemingly permanently stuck in her body. 

Maz clucks her tongue and steps forward, wrapping her small arms around Rey’s sobbing body and holds her close. “There, there, young one. Let it out.”

And so, Rey cries and cries and cries and tries not to concentrate on the familiar Force signature, planets away, stuck in a forest, waiting for her to return, crying with her.

* * *

For the past few days, since telling Finn that she was leaving, he has been trying to change her mind. Poe has long since given up trying to change her mind and wished her luck and let her know that she would always,  _ always _ , have a place in the Resistance if she ever wanted to come back. 

Jannah, whom she doesn’t know very well, stopped by to wish her luck. 

Rose has been a constant companion and patiently reminds Finn time and time again that it is  _ one hundred percent absolutely none of your business where and what Rey decides to do _ . Finn looks stunned for a moment, before he starts trying to convince her to stay again and Rose rolls her eyes. 

He’s not the only one. There are others who question her, others who ask,  _ why after everything, is the Last Jedi leaving them? _ And she hears their unanswered questions. She hears their unvoiced thoughts. That this is somehow all  _ her fault _ . That she and her Force-like people are to blame for the deaths of thousands upon thousands of people and now, when everything is done, she  _ leaves _ . After her supposed glory has been cemented, she  _ leaves _ . 

She wants to be angry but she is  _ so _ drained that she can’t even bring herself to seem to care. 

“I just don’t understand,” Finn says, voice quieting down. “Is it...is it something I did?”

Rey feels her heart stop. She turns away from packing the ancient Jedi texts and stares at him, sitting down on an upturned empty crate. “What? No. Finn.  _ No _ .”

“Then why are you leaving? After everything we’ve been through together, why are you leaving?”

_ Don’t leave me. Come back.  _

_ Come back.  _

_ Come back. _ This one isn’t her memory. It’s whispered in the Force and Rey feels the familiar burn of tears in her eyes. 

She clears her throat and looks at Finn. She knows everything. She’s not...she’s not experienced but she’s not completely oblivious. She knows everything and she thinks in another life, she could have been happy with him. But he’s not who she wants. He’s not who she needs. He idolizes her in a way you would your heroes and she knows the moment he sees the conflict in her, sees the potential darkness, he would recoil. 

Finn is everything  _ to _ her but he isn’t  _ for _ her. In the same way she knows she is everything to him but isn’t for him. 

“There is a future out there for me.” She tells him. “I saw it. And I’m going to make sure that it comes to life.”

“This future,” he says the words slowly. “It doesn’t have me in it, does it?” His brown eyes look so sad and Rey feels the tears leak out of her eyes. “It never really did, did it?”

“Not in the way you want it to be.” Rey croaks. 

He nods and gets up, walking up to her placing a kiss on top of her head. “Be careful and always know you have a home here, with us.” He takes a couple of steps and turns back to face her at an angle. “Rey? May the Force be with you.”

Rey nods, throat scratchy. “May the Force be with you.”

Finn leaves and Rey is left feeling bereft.   
  


* * *

“You know what you’re going to do?” Maz asks as she walks Rey to the ship. 

Rey has already said goodbye to everyone she cares about. She spent a few hours with Chewie, crying with him, laughing with him, hugging him and letting him know that she will never forget him. She hugged Poe. She hugged Jannah, she hugged Finn and let him hold her longer than the others did. She hugged Rose and listened as Rose reminded her that her secret is forever safe with her. 

Now, she walks with Maz to the ship that will take her back to Takodana and back to Ben. 

“There’s a vague plan but we’re going to iron out the details when I get back.”

Maz nods and gives her a smile. “You know, Leia, Han and Luke...they would all be so happy for you. It’s everything Leia ever wanted, you know.”

Rey is confused. “What do you mean?”

Maz shrugs. “She always wanted you to be part of the family. And now you are.” She tugs Rey’s hand and Rey sinks to her knees so she’s level faced with the smaller woman. Maz takes her hands and cups Rey’s face. “Do you remember what I told you the first time I met you?”

How could she forget? It only started everything. 

“ _ The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. _ ” Rey repeats quietly. 

Maz nods. “Go to him, Rey. Be happy.  _ Be with him _ .”

Rey nods and hugs Maz as tightly as she can. “I will never forget you. I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done.”

“Child.” Maz murmurs. “This is enough.  _ You are enough. _ ”

Rey nods and wipes at her face as she throws what she has in the ship and makes her way up the ramp. She takes one last look at Ajan Kloss and nods, knowing she’s making the right decision. “Goodbye.”

Maz waves until the ramp is closed. 

When Rey leaves Ajan Kloss, she stares at it until it becomes a speck in the distance, a part of her past she doesn’t think she’ll ever revisit but will never forget. 

_ Be with me.   
  
_

* * *

The sun is just starting to rise in Takodana when she makes landfall. She leaves her things in the ship, too tired to carry them except for a small bag with her clothes. She makes her way through trees and bushes and when she crosses into the clearing, the first thing she sees is Ben.

He’s waiting for her outside the cabin, hands in the pockets of his pants and her heart feels like it could burst out of her chest. Everything she has felt, everything she has thought slides away in the moment his eyes meet hers. 

She drops her bag on the ground and crosses the distance between them with ease. She doesn’t wait, doesn’t give him any warning, she just catapults into his arms and he’s one step ahead of her, opening his arms to catch her and she breathes in his scent, burrowing herself in him. She lifts her head, “I love you.” She breathes. She watches the emotions flicker across his face until he settles on unburdened happiness and the smile that she loves so much, the dimples that she loves so much, are visible to her now. “Ben.  _ I love you _ . Be with me.”

He tucks loose strands of hair behind her ears, he bends down so that his forehead is pressed against hers and he pushes everything he feels into the Force so she can picture it and she almost cries with images of them and everything they could be. Her breath catches at the two children with his hair and her freckles. She sees their future dance in front of them and she’s ready to burst at the seams. “I will love you always.”

He closes what little distance there is between them and kisses her. 

The Force around them sings and then quiets, leaving them with touches and promises for a future that was always meant for them and one they both deserved. 

**Author's Note:**

> Still trying to get used to medium I’m writing on so some formatting be a bit skewed but hopefully you all enjoyed it! LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.


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